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a digi-scrap!

True story! I was inspired by this: Write, Click, Scrapbook and I created this:

Credits: Most everything from Taylormade at OScraps. The edge brush is from Nancie Janitz at ScrapArtist.

Now I am off to pick up the girlie. And tonight... I *must* work on the pictures from Tn./Va. I am going to pick up a Java Monster for the occasion! LOL

How we spent the 4th of July...

Such a clever title, no? LOL! We got home this evening from our weekend up north.
As usual, it was a great time. The weather was perfect- I really love it when it is just warm enough and the gentle breeze cools you instantly. We actually drove up on the 4th since we were staying an extra day. Here is a sneak peek at our weekend:

A little bit of softball- it is always fun to have everyone participating! :)


A little bit of waiting...


...for the fireworks!!!


Of course, there was also a jet skiing adventure, some swimming beforehand and a movie night that included the Princess Protection movie and Field of Dreams. (btw: How did I not see Field of Dreams before?!) We had BBQ and iced tea and even strawberry shortcake! Yum!

And, in keeping with the tradition that we started last year, Mia is spending the week with Grandpa & Grammie. I thought this year would be a little easier on my mama heart but alas, it was not. :(
I think Mia being a year older, she has a little more perspective. I am sure that she is going to have a wonderful time though. G&G are fabulous and they love her to pieces... in grandparent translation that equals ice cream, shopping, staying up late and lots of chocolate milk.
She is only staying until Friday afternoon so I told her to live it up and enjoy. I can't wait to hear about her adventures. :)
Speaking of adventures, mine are over for the time being... this 4-day weekender needs to get some sleep because reality hits in the morning when I have to be to work!

One year ago.

One year ago on July 1, 2008, I looked at my Dad for what would be the last time. I didn't know that at that time, and to be very honest, I don't know if the goodbye would have been worse because our goodbyes were always a sappy puddle of hugs and tears anyway. :) My Dad was an amazing man in the way that he was just so honest and real about expressing emotion. I will always have a great respect for him because of that.

We had gone to Bristol to celebrate my aunt & uncles 25th wedding anniversary. Speaking of, Happy 26th, Deb! I love you both and our family is better because of you!! We had a great weekend- laughed a lot, had ice cream, iced tea, grilled burgers, margaritas, quiet moments and good times.
The day before we were to go home, I woke up to find my Dad outside waxing my car. My Dad could wax a car with the best of them... I am so serious. He would pour hours into each detail. He was being quiet and I knew that he was dreading that we were leaving. My Dad is the one person who just the thought of him being in pain, could instantly make me weak and bring tears to my eyes. We did have a great time but that day, when he was just so upset, will always stick with me. I am not saying that he somehow knew it would be our last time spent but he absolutely did not want us to go- so much so, it almost seemed like he was angry. I tired to tell him that even 500 miles apart, we still had a lot to be thankful for- we could still talk and that we'd see each other again. I was so wrong about seeing each other again.

I asked my sister last night if she feels different as a person because our Dad is gone. We talked a little about it. I find myself to be a completely different person. Not so much on the outside, but on the inside I feel a little shattered, I guess. A little more alone in this maze of life. Like I am not the same whole, stable person that I was before. (I guess you'd have to take my word for it that I was stable... ha)

There are days that go by that I laugh and have a wonderful time and later I wonder how I can be happy without my Dad in this world and of course, reality gets a hold of me and I know that you can't live in perpetual sadness all the time. It isn't fair to me or the people I love and I am sure that my Dad wouldn't want that for me either.
I think about the women in my life who remember their Dad so fondly and they can speak of it in a way that is calm and serene and somehow it is comforting to know that they too felt this intense sting. And yet, while they still have the scar, it doesn't quite ache as much.

I loved my Dad so much and missing him really is downright awful. I find hope in that I will see him again someday. Hope that our last goodbye, one year ago, was our last goodbye here on earth and someday, I wasn't wrong, we will see each other again. We'll have a hello that will be sweet and forever.

Today, I will marvel in the fact that I am human... the wonder that I can feel so much joy and so much hurt all in the same moment.

Eve of July

I admit it, I spend more time thinking of a title for these posts than I do the actual post! LOL!

I cannot believe that we are already this far into summer. July, already!?
Not that I mind, I really don't. I actually love the 4th of July. It is so fun and festive. Fireworks, picnics, family, and fun... what's not to love? We are heading north for the holiday and then leaving our girlie there since her daycare is closed next week. I am a little less nervous than last year, but still don't like being without her for a whole week. I do have a lot to do though (umm, like pics from the Tn./Va. trip... I know, I know! :)

This past weekend we went to 2 extra special graduation parties. One for my step-sister and one for my cousin. Here are a couple of the senior pics that I took for them. First up is the handsome J:

And here is the beautiful K:


And of course, while at my moms, I could not resist a snapshot of one of her flowers:


Other than that, I've just been working and trying to find some motivation. I don't know what has happened to me but I am all out of sparkle & shine! LOL I need a kick in the pants to get in gear!

My kiddo is at a sleepover tonight so I am going to take advantage of the quiet and try to get some things done around here. Happy Eve of July! :)

just for fun...

Outside my window...
it is dark

I am thinking... 
my creativity and/or motivation is missing... come back soon!

I am thankful for...
my family and memories

From the kitchen... 
need to do some cleaning!  

I am wearing... 
capris and a gray shirt

I am creating... 
nothing. absolutely nothing.

I am going... 
to 2 graduation open houses tomorrow (technically, today!)

I am reading...
nothing right now. I am so not a reader of books

I am hoping... 
for happy days ahead

I am hearing... 
sports from my husbands tv.
*note to self: have some fun and block ESPN! :) just kidding

Around the house... 
a lot to be done. Need to work on some projects.

One of my favorite things...
American Crafts Pens- just pulled one out tonight....true love!

A few plans for the rest of the week(end)...
graduation parties, picture processing, picture taking and laughing (I hope!)

Happy Father's Day

To me, a Father is one of the most important people ever. I should know since I am a daughter who loved her Father almost more than anything in this whole wide world. :)

My Dad was funny- he had a laugh that was contagious and he had a heart that was big and soft. I have many memories of him and today, those bring me comfort and tears and laughter. My Dad is gone, but my love for him will be right here in my heart until I am gone.  

Thankfully, I married a man who would become a Daddy who is absolutely adored by his little girl. I smile when I watch them and I am so grateful for their bond. Their love is unique and all its own but occasionally I see a glimpse of my Dad and me... like when she wears one of his white t-shirts, brushes his hair, gets a drink for him, tells him how much she loves him, when he tucks her in, when he tells he loves her. There is nothing sweeter to me than to see the way that those two love each other. I am so honored to witness their relationship.  

I have also been blessed with many wonderful uncles in my family.
My uncle Michael calls and we chat and laugh and I am always more grateful for him when we hang-up. He has a strong desire to do good and I know that he wants the best for his children and family. I truly admire him.  My uncle Jerry has always offered his love, support and willingness to back me up whenever I need him. My uncle Tommy doesn't say much but he smiles a lot and we share the same birthday so that makes him pretty cool in my book. :) My uncle Jimmy always fixes my car, even when I can tell he is exhausted, and he even tells me he loves me in his silly way.

I have a grandpa who loves me and prays for me. I have a father-in-law who has always been kind and generous to me...even buying me my favorite carrot cake when we go to see them.

Finally, and most importantly, I have Father in Heaven who loves me unconditionally- in spite of my many failures and mistakes. He is always there for me and He gives me the courage to face the battles of this stormy life and gives hope like the first ray of sunshine after a dark & cloudy sky.

Happy Father's Day!

A Journey

We're home. We spent nearly 7 days with my family in Tennessee & Virginia and we had a most wonderful time. We went to the Dam, we went to see Up at the drive in, we watched my cousin Justin graduate and then went to his house for a little par-tay! We spent a lot of time laughing and it was a great time. There was sadness when I went to my Dad's widow's house to close that chapter of my life. It didn't turn out the way I would have hoped, but it was what I expected. I am just so relieved and so ready to move past the bitterness. I missed my Dad while we were there- it was different not seeing him, not hearing him, not being with him but I almost feel a little stronger... more settled in my soul.

There is a quote that I have heard many times but just recently have found to be an inspiration to me.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step Lau-Tzu
This seems so fitting with everywhere that I am in my life right now. A new journey without my Dad, a new journey of many years of ugliness put behind me,  a new journey of making better choices, a new journey everyday of choosing to be a Christ follower. Sometimes everything seems so overwhelming and then I remember... one step... one by one.

As you can imagine, I have SO many photos. I have yet to make my way through them all but I thought I would share this one from the Dam- it is absolutely breathtaking to me. I love to see the mountains and the water. Happy Weekend! :)      

Eight Things...just for fun!

8 Things I'm Looking Forward to:

1. Fridays off for the summer
2. Mia having so much fun this summer at our favorite daycare ever!
3. My 32nd birthday
4. Girls trip to see my cousin graduate & visit family in Bristol
5. Closing the chapter of my life that included my Dad's widow/ex-step-mom (not sure what to call her)
6. Learning more about photography- a never ending journey
7. Deep cleaning every inch of my house.
8. Watching Mia be Baptized (hopefully in August!)

8 Things I Did Yesterday

1. Watched my daughter graduate from 3rd grade
2. Showered
3. Read blogs
4. Cried (see #1)
5. Witnessed a car accident
6. Ate hotdogs
7. Went to dinner with my hubby
8. Feel asleep before midnight!

8 Things I Wish I Could Do

1. Work 20 hours a week (not that I can complain about my 30)
2. Have a close family. It can get lonely sometimes.
3. Fix things
4. Hug my Dad again. :) 
5. Be a photographer, forreal
6. Scrapbook like I used to!
7. Give more
8. get a maid

8 Shows I Watch

1. Brothers & Sisters
2. One Tree Hill
3. Grey's Anatomy
4. Private Practice
5. Lost!
6. House Hunters
7. Days of Our Lives
8. General Hospital

Summertime!

In my mind, summer officially starts on the last day of school and for us, that is today!

Her teacher had a graduation ceremony for the kids today- it was very nice. She gave them a "diploma" and they sang some songs- I cried and was amazed when Mia led the class in the song, "The Climb" by Hannah Montana. I didn't know that was going to happen so I was caught off guard. She did beautiful- I was so proud of her. I wish I would have had my video camera.
After the ceremony inside, we all went outside to this bridge and the kids stood on one side and the teacher announced their name, gave them a flower, said a few words to them and then they crossed over an official 4th grader. Again- feelings of joy & pride!
*the photo is horribly blown- it was a hodge-podge of shade and sun. Just goes to show that it isn't always about the technical side, it is about the memory! :)

After the cake and farewells, Mia and I went to run some errands and had lunch at the hot dog stand. It was big fun- a great way to end the year.

In other happenings, I don't know if you can tell from above but Mia got her hair chopped off! I am so used to it now but at first, it really threw me because she looks so grown up!

There are more things that I am sure I am forgetting to mention but life calls... Mia is going to an event at church tonight that is like THE event of the year for her. It is big fun and we have to get her ready and I just mowed the grass so I guess I could use a little cleanin' up, too! LOL!

Happy Unofficial Summer!

Farewell May

Huge accomplishment made today... Mia's room is clean! Under the bed, the closet, all the play purses...clean. :) We worked together and really it didn't take as long as I would have anticipated. There was so much junk- I am amazed at all the stuff that clutters up our living space. I owe an apology to my parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles and anyone else whose home I've invaded for all the paper and pens that I loved so dearly when I was a child (ok, and as an adult!). I had to laugh at the number of notebooks and pens & pencils that my child had in that room. I know that there were at least 15 notebooks... couldn't get her to part with any of them. Anyway, so happy that it is done and hoping to maintain it through the summer.

Speaking of summer, I am loving this idea: Summer 100 I don't know that I will make a list of 100 things because I know that I would fail but I am thinking 50?
For sure, a big one on my list is to put together a binder or something of Mia's school years so far. For each year, I'd like to include her school photo, her yearbook, her report cards and some of the work that I've saved. Sounds simple but I know it will be hard to fit everything I want and not make it look a mess or be too much stuff. The first step will be gathering it all in one place.

Quick story about school... I thought I might have the State Report that I did in 3rd grade and while I didn't find that, I did come across a math paper with my Dad's writing all over it. I teared up and laughed and felt overwhelming joy for those memories. I wish I could yell from a rooftop to tell people to cherish those you love- you just never, ever know.

We went up north for Memorial Day and we had a wonderful time- as always. We played lots of catch, Mia fed the chipmunk again (!) and we had a nice little time at the park....

Skirt made by my very talented friend, Andrea, who just recently celebrated a birthday! :) She is a wonderful, kind soul and I am blessed to know her... even from across the US! :)

And, finally, I will leave you with a layout that I created with more of the photos from up north. I used the very fun Splish Splash (girl) Kit by Shabby Miss Jenn.


Happy June!!! (in 15 minutes!)